come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
