shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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