remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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