i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
