Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
