he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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