I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
