Will you blow on my dice?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
