if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
