dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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