I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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