He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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