Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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