i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
