i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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