shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
