who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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