Welp...herpes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That accounts for only three of the penises
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
