Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
