i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
