if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
