I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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