After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
