i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
