oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
