I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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