you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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