i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize