Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
