I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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