I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
