Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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