i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So squirting runs in the family.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
