So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
