Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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