I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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