But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
