Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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