He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
