nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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