i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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