Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
