Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
