Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
