I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
