i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
