My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
