I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can I color on your dick again?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
