so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
