Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i've created a new STD.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
