if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
