i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
whose parrot is this?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize