Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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