i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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