Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
