wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
