You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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