Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
