I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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