Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
