i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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