Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
love makes seman taste better
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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