The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
