Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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