Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You smell like stripper and shame
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
