Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i think my cat just said my name.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
