Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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