i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
