Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
