Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
